1524 Barr Avenue, #2, Pittsburgh, Pa. 15205

History Articles
Humor Only
Television Archives
Contact Al

Home arrow Columns

There are 223 Ann Coulter replies, political, humor, nostalgia and tribute columns

Choose the column type BELOW

Your selections will appear BELOW

You've Chosen




 October, 2006


 Representative Mark Foley resigns and goes into rehab

I知 in Rehab. Leave me Alone!

By Al Owens
I don稚 quite know how to tell you this, but I知 going into rehab when I finish this! I知 late returning a DVD to the video store, so I知 seeking refuge for my addiction to coffee. Kona blend. It痴 the worst!

When I do get out of rehab, I値l have even more late fees, but at least I値l be able to show my face in public without having to face the scorn of the American public. I値l get sympathy instead. I値l be just like Mark Foley, Mel Gibson, Bob Ney, Patrick Kennedy and all of those public figures who致e softened their soiled public images by adding a little rehab to their resumes.

Mark Foley probably needed to find a nice vacation spot after he壇 resigned from the US Congress when those 斗ove letters to congressional pages were about to released to the public. He needed to seek refuge, in places other than in the utterly ridiculous conclusions made by conservative apologists. Some of which were silly.

Fox News, the Conservative Apologists Capital of the World, had a Fox and Friends host, Kiran Chetry lead the way on Sunday morning. She sounded downright flabbergasted that anybody would want to investigate the matter further. To her, it would be all Democratic politics. By Sunday night, Republicans Peter King of New York and Mike DeWine of Ohio had both called for investigations! By Monday morning, even the guy who could be under the greatest scrutiny, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, was calling for an investigation and perhaps of himself. Will somebody tell that Chetry person that Hastert couldn稚 possibly be playing Democratic politics?

There was Fox News Britt Hume on Sunday using that tired old 展ell they (the Democrats) do it too, excuse! He claimed (And I might add wrongly) that Bill Clinton and Representative Barney Frank had engaged in similar activity. Neither of those men were involved with minors.

Even the White House offered to downplay the seriousness of the matter. Presidential Spokesperson Tony Snow claimed that other Capitol Hill scandals were far more serious than the one involving 渡aughty e-mails. A statement that qualifies him for some kind of rehab!

Internet gadfly Matt Drudge even got into the act. 典he internet now is the boogey-man. The internet is the danger. They池e successfully going to regulate the internet. That痴 what this is, Drudge breathlessly proclaimed, without noting that it was Mark Foley who seemed to be leading the charge against such evil practices as using the internet to lure children into depravity. Foley could find himself charged under laws he壇 sponsored against that kind of behavior.

Fox News Chief Conservative Apologist Sean Hannity was still concluding on Monday evening that the release of the information that snared Foley was timed to 杜aximize the political impact. Hannity doesn稚 understand that there is no good season for scandal. That it happens all the time. And with this one, Republicans everywhere are jumping off the politics and onto common sense.

In fact, the US Congress is the kind of place my parents used to warn me about. They always admonished me that I壇 be judged by the company I was with. This past year, I don稚 think I壇 want to hang around congress.

Democrat Cynthia McKinney: Slugged a Capitol Police officer. She failed to win re-election. Republican Bob Ney of Ohio: Plead guilty to bribery charges. He went to alcohol rehab. Republican Tom Delay, House Majority Leader. He resigned in June after getting indicted, and being in the shadow of the Jack Abramoff scandal. Democrat Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island: rammed his Ford Mustang into a Capitol Hill barricade. Announced he was heading into rehab the following day. Democratic Congressman William Jefferson of Louisiana: The FBI found 90 thousand dollars in the refrigerator of his Congressional office as part of their investigation into bribery charges. Republican Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist has been under a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation for insider trading since September of 2005. Republican Randy 泥uke Cunningham of California: He got 2.4 million dollars in bribe money. He resigned from the US House and he痴 in jail.

Well, I致e got to go. I壇 better get to rehab while they still have room!