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 Political

Published

 April, 2008

Synopsis

 Discussion of Barack Obama's Bitter Comment

Can we vote yet?
By Al Owens

I’m bitter. What’s more, I won’t get un-bitter until Hillary Clinton presents me with the 8mm proof she cut her teeth on a rifle range, before she shot her neighbor between the eyes.

My bitterness won’t subside until somebody shows me the YouTube video of Barack Obama engaging in cannibalism at a meth lab.

I’ve even heard there are high-quality digital pictures of John McCain getting a lap dance at Mt. Macrina. I’ll swear off my bitterness for the rest of my life, if somebody emails them to me.

Until I find evidence of any of those things, I’m bitter. To be honest, none of those things exist. And the real reasons for my current state of bitterness, is the 24 hour news cycle and its co-conspirator – the CLOCK.

42 days will eventually separate the Mississippi primary from Pennsylvania’s. In the interim, there’ve been 42 mini-scandals, give-or-take a mini-scandal or two.

Since Mississippi we’ve witnessed: Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Barack’s speech on race in America, Hillary’s Bosnia gaffe, the Clinton’s tax returns, Obama’s “bitter” statement controversy, fall-out over Geraldine Ferraro’s statements, resignations by key campaign operatives, Obama’s bowling and Hillary’s boilermakers.

None of which have anything to do with the issues that matter to Pennsylvanians.

Most of us just want to know if we’ll need to get a low interest loan to buy a pound of ground beef next week. (Or, as comedian Dick Gregory once said, “With the price of food nowadays, it might be cheaper to eat money.”)

Fortunately, despite the time-bomb sniffing newshounds at all the cable news networks, the candidates themselves have managed to try to stay on message and deliver it all over the state.

But even that’s gotten a little old. I think the fact that Hillary Clinton visited Fayette County in March was something the county should long remember. It should, too, be a great sense of pride.

But there’ve now been so many visits to the state by both of the Democratic candidates for president – I think they should just move here.

I’m not that interested, either, in what their spouses, children, brothers and sisters and their auto mechanics have to say. They aren’t running for president.

In fact, I hear in the fall John McCain plans to send his pet iguana to speak at the halftime of a Steelers game. Fox News is planning to break into its coverage of an actual John McCain speech to show the loquacious little reptile. I can’t wait.

The fog of perpetual presidential campaign insignificance should have been temporarily been lifted on Wednesday night – but regrettably it wasn’t.
ABC held a presidential debate. They put it on for those of you who just happened to have missed the 20 previous Democratic presidential debates.

I found myself anxious to find out which one of these candidates would figure out a way to prevent my car from becoming an oversized flower pot, because I’ll soon be unable to pay for a gallon of gas.
Neither answered my question. It wasn’t their fault. The hosts, Charles Gibson and Bill Clinton’s former communications director, George Stephanopoulos had what they thought were more important issues about which to ask.

Therefore, Obama was part of an 11 minute discussion about his “bitter” comments; a ten minute discussion of his association with Rev. Wright; a nine minute discussion of his lack of a flag pin and his supposed questionable patriotism. (For the record, nobody bothered to ask Clinton why she wasn’t wearing one of those things); but they did manage to gather up enough nerve her about her Bosnia statements – which led to a comparatively meager five minute discourse.

Rising gas prices only merited a quick three minutes.

It’s no wonder that just about every pundit who’s commented on that debate has said Obama was on the defensive.

You’d be on the defensive too, if you stood on a stage with three people who seemed to be singing in unison about your lack of preparedness to lead the country.

They even queried him about his feelings regarding affirmative action. They were no longer doing Clinton’s bidding at that point. They were doing Geraldine Ferraro’s.

To me, it was less of a debate, than it was a cross-examination.

The important subjects of health care, taxes, the war in Iraq and jobs became side issues.
Obama’s wardrobe choices were far more important.

He could have left his health care plan at home. He should have brought a flag pin instead.

If there’s a 22nd Democratic presidential debate, I sure hope ABC stays away from it.

Otherwise, we’ll be forced to find out if Hillary prefers paper or plastic. Or we’ll find out if Barack is more inclined to choose blue cheese over ranch.