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 July, 2008


 George Bush Gets "Honored" in San Francisco

My Swan Song
By Al Owens

It is with deep regret that I am announcing this will be my final weekly column in this space until November 5th - the day after the upcoming elections.
I have arrived at this decision with a heavy heart. (I stole that line from Lyndon Johnson)

I do have some misgivings about this. Iím a worrier. Without my columns, what will you conservatives use to line your bird cages?
I do have a suggestion. You can take your presidentís lead and line them with the U.S. Constitution.

Well, back to my swan song.

As soon as I finish this, Iíll hop a plane and head for San Francisco.

Iíll establish my immediate residency, run to the nearest voter registration office and register. I then plan to begin the counting down process to the most important vote Iíll ever cast Ė the renaming of the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant in honor of George W. Bush.
At this moment, Iím not the least bit concerned about whoíll be our next president. Rather, this is my opportunity to join my future San Franciscans in having a hand in making the George W. Bush Sewage Treatment Plant a reality. Or should I say an appropriate reality?

This is no joke. A few people decided - over more than few beers - to mount a campaign that would reflect their true feelings about the eight year reign of our current president.

First, they formed the Presidential Memorial Commission that deemed renaming a place that thrives on raw sewage, would be a fitting way to make the Bush administration the butt of their joke.
(One that has no exit strategy for the war in Iraq, and has flushed billions of American dollars down the toilet, with its questionable use of private contractors)

The organizers, equipped with bulky amounts intestinal fortitude, started collecting signatures to have the name change placed on the November ballot.

They needed 7,168 valid signatures.

They hadnít anticipated their little plan would float into a full-fledged movement. <--THE PUNS STOPPED THERE, by the way.

The commission ended up with well over 12 thousand signatures.

They turned them in to San Franciscoís Department of Elections on July 7th.

Ten days later, the Department of Elections announced there were enough qualifying signatures to put the proposed George W. Bush Sewage Treatment Plant before the voters.

Itís worth noting that the father of our country, George Washington, has his name placed on a state, hundreds of American cities, counties, townships, boroughs, on streets and boulevards in nearly every city in the country Ė and of course, our nationís capital.

They renamed Washington National Airport in honor of Ronald Reagan.

They named the Teddy Bear after Teddy Roosevelt in 1902. Heíd been on a bear hunt, when he ďmercyĒ killed an injured young bear cub and the report of the event resulted in a famous cartoon with Roosevelt sitting with his arm around the cub.

With that, the Teddy Bear was officially born.

They named the Baby Ruth candy bar after Ruth Cleveland, the daughter of Grover Cleveland.

Even a president who was almost criminally ineffective Ė Herbert Hoover Ė has name affixed to a dam. But George W. Bush could get his name on a place that collects human waste matter. Iím down with that.

Heíll most likely be the first living president to refuse to appear at his own naming ceremony.I canít wait to cast my vote.

There have some official responses to the ballot measure. A no comment from the White House is one.

Another comes from the San Francisco Republican Party. Howard Epstein says heís going to fight the proposal with every tool (probably Kaopectate) available to him. Sorry. That pun just slipped out.

I wonder what their campaign commercials will feature.

ďThe Democrats want to soil (Oops. I fell off the wagon again) the good name of our president. On November 4th, vote NO on San Francisco ballot issue Number Two.Ē

(Ah, that pun felt sooo good).

But, itíll feel even better to cast my vote in San Francisco.