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 Ann Coulter Reply

Published

 April, 2007

Synopsis

 Ann Coulter - She's trying to turn George Bush into a Saint?

The Resurrection of George W. Bush

By Al Owens

I just knew it would come to this! Ann Coulter has become a member of the clergy.
Say Hallelujah! This week’s “sermon” has something to do with Moses needing 40 years to lead the Jews out of Egypt, “so freedom doesn’t come easy”. I guess, we’re supposed to think of George W. Bush in the role of Moses, leading the Iraqis to some kind of promised-land. They call that a parable. But in the hands of Ann Coulter, it’s just plain bull.

The Iraqis may want freedom, but right now many of them are busier killing each other off. Then they’ll probably get around to opting for some form of freedom that doesn’t look like it was shaped by George W. Bush.

Conservatives may quibble with that last statement. Right now, quibbling is about as gutsy as they get. (They do get fake at getting gutsier whenever they or their children aren’t about to plop down in the midst of a civil war) But the fact remains that nothing about our president resembles anything about Moses. Moses parted a sea. Bush has a hard time spelling the word. (I think he spells it see).
God gave Moses the 10 Commandments. Bush thinks he’s God and he believes the Patriot Act is the 11 Commandment!

I’m still trying to figure out how Darfur got included in this week’s “sermon”. (Especially since we’re hearing for the first time that liberals are eager to send troops to the place) Oh, it wouldn’t be a bad idea. After all an estimated 400,000 people have died there in recent years. But there’s a fat chance George Bush will give it the same attention he’s giving Iraq. Not until they discover oil there.

But what’s funny about the Ann Coulter argument that liberals are more concerned about people of Darfur than the people of Iraq can be found in this bit of silliness. “We’ve been hearing about this slaughter in Darfur forever – and they still haven’t finished.” Well the slaughter in Darfur started about four months after our invasion of Iraq. That means, in Coulterspeak, we’ve been hearing about Iraq forever (plus four months) – and we still haven’t finished it either.

There is really something that can be said about rebuilding processes taking a long time, but The President of the United States ran on a platform that included a disdain for “rebuilding processes” (he called it nation building). And if he reminds anybody of somebody named Moses, it’s probably the one with Grandma stuck in front of it. He’s that slow getting the point that Americans (with the exception of Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity) have grown mighty tired of this particular “rebuilding process”.

Oh I keep looking for signs that the “rebuilding process” is going to take hold, but the 81 Americans who lost their lives in Iraq last month seems to indicate otherwise. The current escalation is in full swing. But last month was the bloodiest March since the Bush War began. (31 in 2006, 35 in 2005, 52 in 2004 and 65 in March of 2003)

So we’re treated to a taste of fire and brimstone from Rev. Coulter about how long it takes to rebuild countries, install democracies, and deify George Bush. (The latter won’t happen. Trust me)

The only reason conservatives seem so patient is because they’re afraid somebody will accuse them of being wrong about something. Well! They’re wrong about something.

Chaplain Coulter, however, has all the solutions that would get us out of that mess quicker. Bomb them until they see the virtues of giving up. So what if innocent civilians become ground zero for wayward American munitions. It’s their fault for being there in the first place!

How can somebody profess her knowledge of the Bible in one paragraph and her devotion to human cruelty in the next?
I guess the phrase “Killing people in the name of the Lord” is too cliché to stick in here, but I said it anyway.

I’m forever doing things I shouldn’t do. I even take Ann Coulter seriously at times.
I would have taken her even more seriously if, instead of Moses, she would have made some mild comparison between George W. Bush and Jesus. I would have had to drag out some line about the Resurrection and those poll numbers that refuse to become resurrected.